Let’s talk palpitations.
I’m not talking about the I-had-too-much-coffee flutters, but the honest to God my-heart-is-pounding-out-of-my-chest-look-you-can-watch-it (Seriously, you can see it. It’s like a morbid party trick.) tachycardic, arrhythmic throbbing. I like to affectionately call it my jackhammer pulse, because that’s what it feels like – someone trying to break down the inside of my ribcage with a jackhammer. Typically, I can feel it pound in every square inch of my body down to my toes, and depending on my blood pressure at the time, my vision may shudder and jump with each heartbeat. If the pounding continues, shortness of breath, dizziness, tremulousness, and near-syncope tend to follow. The hot flashes and sweating are the best part, of course.
Sometimes it’s isolating. Imagine our measurement of life – a beating heart – pummeling against your sternum and making itself explicit while your head is swimming, mind withdrawing, due to the rapidly approaching syncope caused by insufficient oxygen in your brain. Your body is using all of its energy to maintain equilibrium, but your brain is trying to shut it down. The irony isn’t lost on me.
My body likes to think it’s perpetually being chased by a bear. An angry, hungry bear. Consequently, my nervous system (specifically sympathetic drive, otherwise known as the “fight or flight” response) tends to go haywire, thus the palpitations! Living with POTS definitely feels like you’re running from a bear every day, physiologically and psychologically. Bringing groceries inside from the car? That bear is following you. Need to take the stairs? The bear is still there. Standing up and folding laundry? Bear. Walking to get a glass of water? Bear. Cooking and cleaning? Bear. Showering? Bear.
The bear is always behind me.
And no, it doesn’t look like Paddington or Fozzie.
For clarification: I love bears. Enjoy this bear .gif, and happy Friday.
Zebra doctor 